Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
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