I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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