the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
