At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
