I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
