This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
