it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize