Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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