I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
