perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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