Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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