So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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