I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Still dying that you shit outside
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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