why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
