Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
