How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
