How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
