Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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