90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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