Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
