did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
