she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
