remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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