I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
