So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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