I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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