How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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