Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
