My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
