just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
