oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
