Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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