roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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