My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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