Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Operation Purity has been aborted
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
