Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
