dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i came on her dog
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
