wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
