my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
