I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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