I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
