Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich

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(503): View more from Oregon

My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"

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(516): View more from New York

everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.

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(707): View more from California

She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.

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(562): View more from California

I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset

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(+61): View more from Australia

Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?

(1-618): View more from Illinois

She was just sleeping.

(618): View more from Illinois

Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?

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(778): View more from British Columbia

It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.

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