the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
