Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
In America we eat man semen.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
