I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
