Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
