I'm going to jail i love you
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
