Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize