I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
