i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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