I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize