I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
