every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
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i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
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Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery