No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
