The best revenge is premature balding
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
