I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
