How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
