Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
