I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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