this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
