Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize