It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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