Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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