people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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