If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
