when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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