some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
