I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
