I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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