Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
