I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
