I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
