Ketchup is God's man juice
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
