i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
