i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
